Boogie Wonderland. Cha, Cha, Cha

In the grand scheme of things, I've heard it said that it doesn't matter when you start but that you start. Bunch of crap. Sometimes when you start reflects why you started, so it can't really be unimportant, can it? Why?... indeed.

Poetic as it may be to begin a blog on New Year's eve in all it's reflective glory, I didn't want to be so cheesy for my first time. Actually, I wrote a romantic paragraph or two in October after my boyfriend's indirect inspiration prompted the ex-writer in me to start sticking some things to paper (or screen). The procrastinator in me told me to put off writing my virgin masterpiece until I felt more inspiration, and the perfectionist in me would never let me publish my "incomplete" post. So now, two and a half months later, I sit FB deprived at my new work desk in search of something to do in the online world and upon what do I stumble? Unrequited Blog.

I began re-reading my blatantly sexual original posting and realized quickly that this was not the way I wanted to start this adventure. Devoid of anything substantial, it was still nice to reminisce through a detailed account of a fantasy fulfilled afternoon "rumble" with my love, (which I can still picture if I close my eyes). One of my recent life lessons was that it's not the smartest thing for me to fantasize at work, since it often gets me too frustrated to function and sends me on a dirty text message binge that makes only makes matters worse. Apparently, I'm not so productive when horny (work wise). So I've decided to be good today, and write my first full blog without blush-causing content. Maybe I'll loosen up later:) Sadly, like most things I begin, if it's not finished in the amount of time it takes me to change my mind it likely will never be complete. I change my mind as often as I change shoes. So today, I am writing until I feel "done". We'll see when that happens. The word "finished" is really more of a concept than a reality in my opinion.

Soooooooooo.....Boogie Wonderland. I don't know why that popped in my head. Last year a prof asked us to come up with a short sentence life philosophy and asked us to share it with the class. I was not in the mood, and went back to my doodling. Blah, blah, blah he went on. Blah, blah, something about a paper. Apparently we had to have this figured out beforehand. I guess it helps to go to class sometimes. When the pendulum swung my way, I settled on Boogie Wonderland, hoping to get a laugh or two. Then the dude asked me to defend it. Ah, shit.
Occasionally gold plated bullshit spews from one's mouth and showers those around with beautiful glory. Yes, this was one of those times. After providing my brilliant, haphazard defence, I personally decided to take on Boogie Wonderland as a personal motto. It helped me organize two key things; how do I see the world, and my approach to living it. Boogie Wonderland is my seldom shared (and A+ graded) easy to remember- life philosophy.

Explaining it word for word seems to be the best way to do this, so here we go; Wonderland. We all live in a WONDER land. This represents the world, everything in it- my environment. Lately, I'm having trouble seeing the world with anything less than wonder. I can't remember a time when I felt as though I knew so little. There's no absolute certainty, no black and white, no truth except mine with the condition that it is always subject to change. No matter how well you plan, how certain you think you feel, or know anything, it can just as easily be unplanned, unfelt, or unlearned. It's always good and bad to expand, retract and explode, and it's always good and bad to hide, run and look "inside". Good and Evil are not two sides of a coin, but they represent the whole coin and everything in between. Good intentions can not always justify actions to everyone, and what feels right to one person may not look right to another. Answers lead to more questions, and definite statements can simultaneously be vague as hell. I rarely use wonder in this fashion, but I wonder at things. I wonder why things that seem so simple can be hard. I wonder why my heart and my head don't always agree. I wonder why we let ourselves love people, who weren't supposed to be on the menu. I think we enter our 20's with the desire to answer a lot of questions. Who am I? What do I want to do with my life? Who do I want to share it with? How am I going to pay rent? How do I do my taxes? Where in the world IS Carmen Sandiego? We look everywhere and frustrate ourselves in to a tizzy. At this point in my life I think it's best (and less time consuming) to let the answers find me. Eventually, I'll figure it out. That I'm sorta sure about.

Boogie is my approach to life. Dancing through. I don't mean to imply that life's a party, and that dancing my way through will get me what I want. I still believe you have to work for what you get, or to keep what was given to you. However, boogie is my way of dealing with all the little things life throws in the air intended to land on my head. Be versatile, agile, handle life with grace, have fun, keep moving, and when you move, move to some kind of beat. Try to stay on the dancefloor, and if you fall off (or fall down), let the rhythm pick you up and keep dancing. It's simple. Life is a dance. All the hard work is just trying to stay with the rhythm. It's easier for some, harder for others, but as long as you're dancing you'll feel alive.
I was very happy with this explanation, which is almost word for word what I spewed out in class. Gold bullshit indeed.

Few reasons for typing this here blog. 1. I blog because I can, and more importantly because I can do it at work. 2. I guess I always learn best from myself, or from seeing myself through others. This will be my mirror, and maybe I'll let other people see it sometime. 3. I can keep track of myself, and um, grow and stuff 4. I'll get in the habit of writing again.

Then there's 5. I think I need a change. I mentioned something about timing in the beginning, and things are changing like mad in this here life right now. Left, right and center, friends have come and gone, relationships have developed and been squandered, not-quite-love was found, then lost, then very-much-love snuck in a window of opportunity. My body is composed of not quite the same parts as it was last New Years, and neither is my family. Career choices seem more like coffins, and the road there is not so fun. Jobs have changed, the landscape has changed, roommates have changed and I'm sure that I've changed to. Just what I've changed in to, I still have to figure out. So maybe I'll get some perspective on that here. Or maybe not. We'll see. At least if this doesn't work out, I still have reasons 1-4.

In 8 and a half hours, another year will have passed and I guess I will have to start having to get used to writing 2008 instead of 2007. I'm not a big New Year's girl, but I am suddenly in the mood for a drunken night, or dancing, or something. I've been blue for a few days, and weepy without reason for a few days before that. Maybe this girl just needs a pick-me up from a few good friends? Sadly, the list of people who can do that is getting shorter and shorter. Normal for a growing girl I guess, but I'll save that for a more rant-inspired day. For now, I guess if the one's you've got are great, then I guess you're doing just fine :).

(I have a feeling those blues will be blown to bits with a hug (and a REAL kiss) later on and soon I'll be in a quiet, love-drug induced haze with my muffin. And not blogging.)